Smoph's musings

Just my thoughts on the world

To love enough

I was just watching the end of ‘Rumour Has It’ where there is another Hollywood ending with shots of a big white wedding. As if this solves their problems and takes away the sting of what went before.I have never been married. I have never been close to being married. I might have been close once, if I’d been asked. With every boy I’ve been involved with, I’ve imagined marrying them. It’s just how my mind works. But here I am at 25 wondering how people get to that point.

Marriage is a huge commitment. You pledge to honour and protect, love and cherish. Some vows even say to guide and obey (good luck in holding me to that, lucky man who eventually gets me..). You give your word. Thinking about this, and the rate of divorce, you begin to wonder exactly how much our word means in these times.

In our consumerist society, we seem to get caught up in the trappings. You must have a decent dress, a decadent cake and a lavish reception. If perfection is not attained, you have failed at the wedding business. What rot.

Regardless, it seems to me that a marriage is not the solution to relationship problems. Just because there is a piece of paper saying you belong to each other, doesn’t mean that it will bind you. More often, it seems that certificate seals the fate of an already tenuous link.

There needs to be more thought, more planning, more knowing before you agree to nuptials. Surely you want to ensure your own and your partner’s life-long happinesses. Everyone needs to go in with eyes and hearts wide open. Open to both to loving the idiosyncrasies of our partners, and to the possibility of the rest of our lives growing together with this one person.

For me, I hope that when I get there one day, I can give this institution the respect it deserves. I want to stand across from that chosen man and say those vows with my whole heart, knowing I intend to keep my word, both to myself and to him. Whether I do it in an old dress, a new one, a fancy one or a blue one, the only part I care about and intend to ensure are the words springing happily from my mouth:

I do.

I hope we can all leap happily into our futures hand-in-hand with our partners, seeing clearly and excitedly where we’re going and where we want to be, sinking or swimming together.

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  1. do you know *if* i do eventually get married i will be barefoot in a dress less than $400. the sentiment of a marriage is lost on me. i don’t see the point of marrying using lots of money. maybe it’s because my first true love asked me to marry him and then ditched me during the nitty gritty of working out the marriage part. too much money.i don’t even think it’s important to get married these days. so many end in divorce; if you find the right guy don’t worry about the marriage bit.

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  2. I don’t want the big white wedding. There is somewhere I would like to get married, but we’ll see. I’m only interested belonging to the boy I love, not the dress.

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  3. Anonymous

     /  July 6, 2009

    You get to the point of being married because you want to. That can happen in a few days or a few years (although I have suspicions about the success of marriages at either extreme of that time scale).The key to staying married is also the same, it’s because you want to.The key thing to resolve before the pressure of a pending wedding is the major issues: money, sex, kids, where to live, how you expected your life to pan out (“I always wanted to write whilst living in panama for a year”). When you are in love, you don’t think entirely straight. Pre-marital workshops can focus the mind. (Often run by churches).Not getting married because ‘people get divorced’ is a bit sad. There is no legal difference in the break down of a long term de facto relationship than a married one, and certainly no emotional difference.Finally, the cost of weddings is high, and even with the best of intentions the costs go up and up, that’s without fussing over all the little details. If you want to have a dress, cake, photographer and venue it adds up really quickly. There is also the politics of two families merging to take into account. The key thing to remember is the wedding is just party that occurs towards the start of your life together, not a means unto itself. Besides, you’d be the bride, its all up to you to organize 🙂

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  4. My best friend told me what dress I couldn’t wear, so I figured I would get her to organise it all. No stress for me! :PAnd I don’t disagree. I just wonder what it would be like to get there.. It’s a greener pasture far away at the moment. 😛

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