Smoph's musings

Just my thoughts on the world

Listening to our inner child

In my head, I had two entries picked out to blog on tonight. There were pictures I was going to hunt down, phrases I was going to use, points of view I was going to utilise. My soapbox was primed and ready for the hopefully somewhat enlightening or witty or emotive prose I was going to send in to cyberspace.

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However, my head is whirling with emotions about an issue I am dealing with at the moment. Within the spiralling depression, the harsh self-recriminations and the swirling anger, somewhere there is the little girl in me who still hopes. My realism is a tenuous balance of my (non-clinical) depression and the tenacity of the little Sophie who dreams of a better world. This child-like visage of me is the one who sees the happy endings, the better side of people and doesn’t ever quite give up.

How often do we forget to listen to the inner voice that tells us that it is ok to hope, to dream, to love? That begs us to forgive instead of holding on to the anger, feeling justified in our jaded beliefs because someone has let us down before and we learnt our lesson. When we get knocked down and beaten by the world, that inner voice strokes our proverbial hair and says, “It’s ok. Don’t cry.”.

I wish at this moment I could channel the energy into a productive past time – like emo poetry or the novel I keep neglecting. Only, I keep feeding the storm, being grown up and tortured. Little Sophie, I wish I could listen and just live for now and tomorrow.

It was all so much less complicated when I was a child.

3 ResponsesLeave one →

  1. The issue you are working through is via no fault of your own, though. Recriminations may be owed, but none of them to yourself.

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  2. being a grownup is so very very suffocating.

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  3. It matters not what the issue is, but the reaction it creates.Also, I do hate being grown-up. It bites.

    Reply

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