Smoph's musings

Just my thoughts on the world

Benign neglect and facing up to inadequacy

I’m giving my blog a little bit of a dust off. It’s been suffering a bit of benign neglect, like the study you keep meaning to go into but get distracted. On the surface, it might all look fine, and dust motes look so pretty in the afternoon sunshine, but that grittiness sticks to your fingertips, no matter how you rub them. 

Most of it was feelings of inadequacy. Other writers I know were talking about their year’s achievements. Inevitably, this turned into: What have I done? And the answer felt like measurably nothing, whatever has been happening in my personal and other professional life. And I couldn’t think of anyone who would want to know about it.

It is, however, a quintessential part of the creative career: many years look like nothing was achieved. And sometimes trying to drill down into that encourages the Imposter’s whisperings in your ear and a fugue of depression and hopelessness settles upon your shoulders. 

So, I just wanted to address that before I say I am back. I want to post about my recent trip to Europe and other bits of life I experience for me, and if any of you want to read that, then that’s great. If not, it’s your life. 

And that’s all there is to it. 

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  1. Sometimes it’s just a fallow period and that’s okay, or it’s piecemeal work that doesn’t look like much until it is all gathered up. Or it’s just a much needed rest and time away. Or it’s time to quietly and gently process and make peace with a long run of rejections. Or there’s just better things to be doing.

    None of it means we are never not a writer though. It’s in our blood.

    It’s good to see you back!

    Reply
    • Thanks Jodi. Good to be back. And yes, there’s lots of good or otherwise reasons, but it does make that imposter a bold jerk. I’m glad to have you as one of my friends on these journeys.

      Reply
      • I am finding the Imposter has lost lots of steam since I’ve returned to my core reason for writing. Imposter can’t rock my boat when I only have to make myself happy and enjoy the process. It’s an added bonus to be back in my happy place collabing with people whose work I adore.

        Letting go of the need to submit has freed me to enjoy and be fully immersed in the love of writing. But that’s just me.

        Reply
        • It was a bit submission success and a bit productivity for me. I’m not very productive for several reasons related to life in general. And “you’re not a writer if…” is fuel to the garbage fire that is the Imposter for me. Social media might be my ill really.

          Reply

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